Questioning myself

I question myself as a parent almost daily. Am I doing this right? Am I doing that right? Is my son going to grow up and resent me because I didn't read him a million books or I let him watch Blues Clues? Will he remember his childhood fondly? Or will he be one of those adults who grow up resentful and pissed off at their parents because they didn't do this or that. I try my best to be a good mommy. Its hard most days trying to do what I know is right for him. Especially when I have to act as both parents because Eric is gone. Its hard to find time for myself and not feel overwhelmed and stressed because I have this or that to do. Don't get me wrong I love being a parent. I love my son so much. I just can't imagine my life without him nor do I want to. I know most people probably think I am flakey or wishy washy because it generally takes me a while to accomplish things. I know I need to get my son on a schedule. I know I need to potty train him. I know everyone wants to give me advice. And generally I don't mind it. But I guess I just don't like being told what I already know. I have high hopes this deployment that I can start on some of these things and maybe by the time Eric gets home Blake will be in bed by 9 and will be using the potty full time. We'll see.

I also question myself as a friend. I try really hard to be a good friend to everyone. I try to go out of my way and help people and be there when they need me. Sometimes I think I go to far but I don't say anything I just go with the flow. How do I know if my friends really do like me or want to be around me? How do I know they aren't just tolerating me because their husbands are gone too? Why does it seem that some friends hang around me more then others? Is it because my kid is too crazy for them? Or do they just find me too much to handle? I think this is where the wishy washy comes back in. I have some friends that I think I tell too much while there are others I don't tell anything to. Maybe I should choose more wisely about who I tell what to.

Well thats all I am thinking.

Much Aloha,
Amber